Hi,
Thank you for clarifying my query re: “fit” as well mentioning the many signs that you alluded to: lying, chasing losses, borrowing money, always betting more, being obsessed with gambling, being unable to stop gambling, gambling out of need, gambling to forget.
The above, indeed confirm that your mum is addicted to gambling. First of all, you are wise not to deal directly with your mum’s loan sharks – it only complicates matter and may create unforeseen ramifications. Anyhow, the problem lies not with them but with your mum. Who knows, if you mum can’t get it from them, she may borrow from others who may be even more sinister.
You are certainly right that, there may an underlying cause(s) which led to your mum’s gambling addiction (which is presently unknown?) and if such is the case, then, it has to be dealt with. For example, your mum’s marriage broke up – apparently because of her gambling? - thus, could her unhappy marriage lead her to gambling in the first place? - so as to compensate for her unhappiness (e.g. depression?).Obviously, there are some gamblers, who played for fun initially but eventually got addicted to it – just like alcohol. Just out of curiosity, does your mum live by herself (is she lonely?) and what else can she do? if gambling is not an option? Has she got any hobbies, interests or any other purposeful activities or something to look foward to?
I should hope that whoever works with your mum, will include all in the family as part of her treatment. The fact that your mum is aware of the hurt she is causing all of you, is a very potent reinforcer to be included as part of the therapy to assist your mum’s problem. Since you are aware of Goffman’s work (‘labelling’ and ‘stigma’), you may not consider your mum’s problem as a ‘disease’ (Are you a medical doctor (“Freshman”), yourself?) – but regardless of the clinical or social definition, the fact remains - your mum’s problem is cascading to everyone around her.
Thanks for the blog info.
Regards,
Dr. Chin
Hi Dr Chin
Happy Lunar New Year.
I am grateful that you take the time to correspond. I am a freelance web developer, I read Goffman's book in a sociology course in an American College. That's 26 years ago. My major was Electrical Engineering, eventually, I got my BSEE from University of Texas at Austin in 1988. While I was busy studying, things had been rough back home.
My parents were not as lucky as me. They had almost no education. Now, I know a few very successful and very smart persons who had little or no education, these are really exceptional cases, which my parents are not. I wish there's an easy way to upload my mind to them so they can experience my world view, understand what I've learned, and borrow the tools that I have to help them think. To me, my mom's problem is trivial. But for her, wow. I have tried and tried and tried for so many years, I failed to alleviate one iota of her sufferings. I have come to believe that to suffer is hard-wired in her brain. I read about the plasticity of human brain, there must be a way to stimulate new pathways, new connections, to promote new ways of thinking. I don't know how it can be done.
Mom is 75, her thinking is in a loop, and the loop is spiraling towards self-destruction. These are some of the things she vocalizes: I am useless; if I die, everything will be ok; I've got to pay back my sons, I don't like owing anyone's money; I am a burden to everyone; if my luck is good, I can win back the money; my luck is not good; I don't know why I'm agitated and get angry easily; if I have the courage, I'll just jump and kill myself and cease to be a burden.
After getting her down from Genting, she's been staying with my family for the past couple of weeks, under my watch 24 hours everyday. But my wife needs to be back to Muar for the New Year, so we sent mom to my brother's today. My wife warned me that she'll be in Genting. I replied that I still have a condo I can sell and I hope that she won't lose that much.
We'll see.
正大光明
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