Hi,
You may by all means, show my response. Does your mum suffer from Epilepsy? I am not sure what you mean by her "fits" - is it organic in origin or is it because of the shock, i.e. 'fainted', of having lost so much money? That, in itself has to be investigated whether it is related to gambling.
None of that. What I meant was my mom's behavioral pattern fits many of the signs of problem gambling: lying, chasing losses, borrowing money, always betting more, being obsessed with gambling, being unable to stop gambling, gambling out of need, gambling to forget.
It sounds like your mum's gambling has got out of hand for many a year. Why have you and family not tackled her problem before until now?
Why? We didn't know better. I was over-confidence of my persuasive power, and I thought I had put in her head the foolishness of gambling. And I believed her when she said she wouldn't go to Genting again. I read Erving Goffman's The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life in my Freshman and the unfolding events over the past week just reminded me of Goffman's masks. I have taken off one of mom's masks.
Having said that, it's never too late! Bailing your mother out each time (paying back the debts) only perpectuate/encourage her gambling habit. So far, what are the consequences that your mother personally bear (e.g. make her known of the pain she is causing the family etc). It seems you and family are the ones who keep bailing her out i.e. shielding her from the consequences!
If I could reach into the center of my Mom's pain, I would wipe it clean. It was not easy for my Mom to ask her sons to pay off the debts. It was not easy to convince her to please let me pay her recent debt. All she wanted to do was for us to leave her alone so she could continue on in Genting. She was convinced that she could win back the money she lost. She wanted so much to win so she could pay back the money I bailed her out the last time.
Thus, Family support (not in terms of bearing the consequences of her behalf) and involvement in dealing with your mum's problem is essential as well as personal counseling. In the mean time, can you not find a way to control her finances?
My wife told me that if we cut-off her supply of money, she would not be able to gamble. I was thinking of setting up a trap to catch my mom's Ah Longs and hand it to the authority. After thinking over and talking to Genting's Security, I decided to not pursue it further:
- these are soft Ah Loans, they will not harm my mom in anyway
- I believe these are the only Ah Longs my mom are comfortable dealing with and if they no longer operate, and for some unforeseen reason my mom end up in Genting again, she may be force to borrow from the other hard Ah Long.
It is a good idea that you should asap contact the Psychological services as per list.
I have not been able to persuade my mom to see a counselor. I believe the problem is a lot deeper. I have not been listening to my mom all these years, the communication has been largely one way from me to her; and now when I try to listen, I find it hard to get her to open up. She told me she has not been happy a single day for the past ten over years. I asked why. She said she doesn't know.
Good luck and let me know how you get on.
Regards,
Dr. Chin
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