Mom Passing

My mom health deteriorated a couple of years before her passing on 28 April 2015. What resolved her problem was her health, she couldn't get herself to Genting. She suffered back-pain and was bed-ridden. With her passing, I thought I would not need to deal with problems from gambling. I was wrong. 

My mother-in-law is addicted to 4-D. She accumulated more than RM3mil debt. It's mind-boggling. This was all new to me. How do we deal with this? I remembered this blog has some materials that may help. From here, I found out 信心戒赌会(马来西亚). So, I asked my wife to attend their weekly Friday meet on 15 March 2024. I didn't go for the meet because my in-law doesn't know that I know about her addiction. This is what my wife wrote:

A volunteer, Heng, was interviewing Mom. He said that he was a problem gambler himself for decades. His father always helped pay for him, and made him signed an IOU receipt every time. However, the IOUs only turned into a thick pile; he didn't honor a single IOU. Gamblers never pay off their own debts. That's how they are. So, don't help gamblers pay their debts but focus instead on addressing their addiction. Otherwise, it's a never-ending story, all of them continue the habit until they can't get more money. At this stage, the debt collector, or 大耳龙 as they're known, will typically take four actions to recover the debt: 1. Putting up posters around your house to make neighbors aware of your issue. 2. Exposing your case on social media. 3. Locking up your house, shop, or factory. 4. Throwing red paint.

Heng's advise is to delay payment to debt collectors for now. Wait until Mom's addiction is being treated, then they'll guide her or us further. Their advice is, don't worry about debt settlement; put that aside. Cure the gambler's addiction first. Heng told Mom that this is a disease and asked if she wanted to cure it. Mom agreed to go to the center to get help. YS and I will take turns bringing her there, as they want family members and the gambler to go together. I saw many gamblers with their families in church yesterday. The church sets aside every Friday from 8:30 pm to 10:00 pm for problem gamblers and their families. Family members exchange among themselves while the gamblers are in their own group, with volunteers facilitating.

This is a church-based center, and the pastor who founded it was a problem gambler himself. The center has been operational for 22 years now. Many of the volunteers are ex-gamblers or their family members, which adds a level of understanding and empathy to the support provided. Their approach is for the gamblers to take responsibility to pay off their own debt gradually. Others should not pay for them.

There, the problem isn't money. The problem is to convince the gamblers to seek help in curing their disease. The first step is to call +6013 336 2933.

 

Problem Gambling Hotline

Finally, I found a hotline number: 017-2381900. The counselling service is at 8.30pm on every Wednesday and Thursday. I don't have the complete address but it is located on the 3rd floor above Happy Man Restaurant 快乐人茶餐室 opposite Shell. Approximate GPS: 3.072943, 101.710272.

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A Gambling Story

赌王洗心革面变牧师 邓天兆巡回劝戒赌

 二零一零年六月六日 晚上九时三十九分

报导：张雅莉、杨业兴
摄影：刘洁云

生于赌博世家的邓天兆3岁爱上钞票味、7岁开始接触任何形式的赌博，尽管是“拖鞋飞牌赢相片换钱”的小玩意儿也不放过。小时候因为钱而好赌，长大后则因钱而恋权。
29岁成为职业赌徒之前，他假借伦敦深造之名，经常到当地赌场作客。家人都不知道他好赌成性，更不知道原来每次向家里要钱缴学费或买车，其实是要还赌债或筹赌本。
12岁精通所有赌法
在朋友的感染下，12岁已精通所有赌法。16岁那年，云顶赌场开幕，同样爱好赌博的父亲以“贵宾”身份带未成年的他进赌场，这第一次的尝试，让他从此与赌场“结怨”。
立志要做赌神
深知私人赌桌40招骗术，所以17岁开始就不赌私人赌局。他也在17岁那一年被港剧《千王之王》的影响下，立志要和主角看齐。12年后成为职业赌徒，不仅行动要小心，生活作息也要保密。
“我不相信这个世界有神，对我来说，最伟大的神是赌神，我就是要做赌神。”
长大之后，由于神奇的力量，他曾经拥有11个月在赌台上不败的纪录。他形容当时的自己，很想为中国人争光，即去了澳洲的赌场打“鬼佬”，赢得了总共6万澳币。
意气风发的邓天兆，也开始认为自己能够主宰自己的命运，身边总有保镳保护，对家人的态度也越来越恶劣。

1989年，当年34岁的他夺下第一届亚洲百家乐大赛冠军，、拥有连续6年在赌台上没输过的纪录，成为大马人的骄傲。
隔年，妻子嚷着要离开，然后是跳楼死不去，接下来接触耶稣，10个月后洗心革面决定戒赌，戒赌的第3年，开始对赌博完全失去兴趣，造就了今天的他，一名愿意到各地分享见证的牧师。
港片《赌神之神》80%是真实故事 戒赌后称耶稣为大佬
赌王邓天兆17岁立志要做“千王之王”，矢要掌控权和钱，戒赌后他高呼：“2010年我大佬是稣哥（指耶稣）！”
年纪轻轻就坐拥1600万令吉身家、拥有7家公司（包括在地产业），当时的他有钱又有面子。身家从零到百，再从最高峰坠入谷底，一代赌王如今变为一名牧师，到处布道宣扬戒赌。
他说，赌博离不开一人欢喜，必有一人痛苦的定率，正确的赚钱之道是努力读书，然后找一份不错的工作正常入息。
《赌神之神》是2003年的作品，这是一部讲述邓天兆赌博生涯的港产片。电影中80％是他的真实故事，另外20％则是依据观众喜爱而加以戏剧化的编排。
他认为，赌博3成靠煞气、2成靠功夫，还有5成需要靠运气，赌桌上也没有永远的常胜军。
促政府取消赌球合法化 免华裔陷赌博无底洞
邓天兆强调，各项球赛都被世界赌球集团操控，球员在球场已经不是比技术，只要出高价就能踢假球。
对于大马政府重新发出赌球执照的决定，他认为此举不但无法打击国内赌风，反而让更多华裔陷入赌博无底深渊。他补充，各地都设有赌球投注站很危险。
“今天球赛都被世界赌球集团操纵，你们（赌徒）是赢不了的。”
他劝促政府取消赌球合法化政策，否则将会衍生许多社会问题，导致偷抢罪案更猖獗。他认为，赌球合法化之后，后代就会很惨。
张颂耀：促使赌徒年轻化
另外，陪同他接受《光华日报》专访的信心戒毒会会长张颂耀在旁补充：“赌球合法化，促使赌徒年轻化。”
“以前是偷偷摸摸，现在光明正大，一旦华人把赌博当成问题才是问题。”
与此同时，曾经当过黑社会老大、万字票操控人、球赛卜基的邓天兆也以亲身经历，说明球赛由他人掌控。
1990年，世界杯西德队一粒点球1比0战胜了阿根廷，邓天兆的口袋一夜间增加300万美金收入。他说，如果不是最后一分钟评判吹哨子把罚球判给西德，他输的肯定比赢的多。
他提到，当时的他是卜基，最后收到可靠风声指西德必赢，所以就下100万重注。
6年赢6000万 邪灵附身会“变牌”
“换牌是魔术，变牌是邪灵！”
经营赌场的人，一般都有供奉偶像或养“鬼仔”，邓天兆认为自己逢赌必赢的诀窍是邪灵附身赋予“变牌”功力。
22年前接触这股邪灵的力量，当时自己也不知道那是怎么一回事。他说：“1985年在澳大利亚阿德雷得赌场发现自己懂得变牌，同年年杪便开始用此技纵横各赌场，6年间在赌桌收入达6000万令吉。”
可是，这一切都要付出代价，世上没有白吃的午餐，信教后的他相信与魔鬼交易的代价是对方会拿掉你的命运。
邪灵贴身跟随，凌晨3时和下午5时45分都在赌场赌身家！
他说，邪灵最强的时候是上述两个时段，也是他可以把“变牌”技术发挥得淋漓尽致的时刻。
他试过在2小时65个赌局中，赢了57局、8局打和。
冥冥之中有天意 6个月输光反负债
在他赌运开始要走下坡时，邓天兆认为，这冥冥之中已有天意。
“我从未去过赌场的厕所，那天去了，还要求保镳先去厕所‘清场’，指示倘若有人在内，就把他撵出来。”
说来也让邓天兆感到奇怪，虽然有其保镳在外守护着，竟然还是有一个老先生能够进入厕所之内，并对他说，“收手吧，不然就会太迟。”
不信邪的邓天兆并没有注意到这冥冥之中的安非，还是照赌不误，结果在那时开始（1990年），他连续输了6个月，总共输了6000万令吉，还欠下700万令吉的债务。
其所谓的神奇力量，也不再管用了。
公寓15楼跃下 大难不死是神迹
走到人生的最低潮，在一天晚上，当他输了百多万令吉之后，一个人坐在露台之上，准备从17楼跳下来自杀......
他当时抵挡不了钱的诱惑经常上赌场，之后遇到邪灵“赐予”非凡力量让他创造逢赌必赢的神话。有一年，因为邪灵已离自己远去，输到口袋只剩下1元新币，耳朵出现了魔鬼的呼唤－－“去死吧！”
于是他于某日凌晨3时，在新加坡住处－－公寓15楼一跃而下，清晨7时发现自己还在人世，之后接到姐夫从香港打来的电话。
姐夫的一通电话要他见耶稣，而他答应见面的目的只有一个，那就是借200万澳币在赌桌翻身。
为了讨好姐夫就到教会，从开始接触到喜欢，直到信教后，他相信当天大难不死是神迹。
“虽然心有不甘，但是在我向主祷告时，突然眼泪就掉下来了，哭了40分钟，我是因为感到羞愧而哭。”
从此，邓天兆的命运就改变了，家人都重新回到他的怀抱，子女都在外国进修，之前嗜赌如命的父亲，也信了教。
料金沙赌场开幕1年后 新国罪案率必飙升
在新加坡定居逾20年的邓天兆预计，在金沙赌场开幕1年后，新国罪案率必定飙升。
他指出，鼓励赌博不应是政府赚取收入的途径，因为这将会衍生出许多社会问题。
“新加坡好几年前的罪案报告都很平安，相信2011年社会问题的数据将会增加。”
挥别赌场再评论赌场，他说，赌场是老千、洗黑钱人士、讨生活者、大耳窿、黑社会及娼妓聚集的地方，只要你赢钱就会有女人“玩”；只要输钱大耳窿就会出现再你面前；至于赢太多也会遭黑社会的骚扰。

张松耀：赌徒孩子嗜赌几率高  赌博会影响身边人

（吉隆坡6日讯）信心戒赌会会长张松耀也提到，赌博不但会影响到个人，还会影响到身边的人。
他指出，目前国内约有8万名赌徒，倘若他们每人都影响到身边的25个人，国内受赌博影响的人将达到200万人。
“而赌徒的孩子，他们染上赌瘾的几率，比一般孩子高4倍。”
他驳斥一般人指赌博是华人的传统，他认为，倘若赌博是华人的传统，为何中国并没有合法的赌博业，也没有与赌博有关的博物馆。
信心戒赌会目前正在进行筹款，以便能够协助赌徒戒赌，因为他们深信，让问题赌徒成为问题的答案，是最好解决国内赌风盛的环境。
张祖诚告诫赌博坏处
该会也缴得了有赌王之称的邓天兆及“戒赌大使”大马著名歌手张祖诚，也前来分享赌博的坏处。
张祖诚表示，由于父亲嗜赌如命的影响，他儿童时期过得并不愉快；父亲赌输钱，甚至把其钢琴卖掉，最后本身也一走了之。
赌徒想要戒赌，或身边的人是赌徒，要如何是好？或尝试联络信心戒赌会0172381900

信心戒賭會

My brother, Gary, emailed me a picture he took from his phone. And I found the online article immediately.

戒賭會6月份接200通電話‧球賽賭徒暴增3倍

雪隆 頭條新聞 2010-07-08 09:41

（吉隆坡）全球矚目的世界杯才進入4強賽，不少賭徒已因賽果頻頻爆冷而焦頭爛額，信心戒賭會在6月份接獲的電話更是高達200通，比一般月份多出3倍！

2010年世界杯足球賽從6月11日展開，一直到7月12日才進入總決賽，不過，出乎意料之外的賽績，造成不少賭徒撐不到總決賽就宣告提早收工。

戒賭會宿舍逾半客滿

信心戒賭會4間分別在吉隆坡、芙蓉及居鑾的宿舍，單在6月份的新增人數就有14人，世杯未結束宿舍已逾半客滿。

據瞭解，這是很不平常的現象，因以往世杯的經驗顯示，賭徒通常在世杯結束後的一個月內，陸續致電信心戒賭會求助，或開始入住信心戒賭會。

賽績爆冷賭徒提早輸光

該會總幹事林萬興向《大都會》指出，隨著科技的進步、發達與方便，如今一場球賽已可分幾次賭了，加上本屆世界杯的賽績一直爆冷，導致許多賭徒的口袋提早輸清光。

他說，他們每天接獲一兩通諮詢電話，一個月下來約有五六十通，沒想到世界杯的開踢，6月份接獲的詢問電話飆升至200通，數目驚人。

據悉，信心戒賭會各地的宿舍共有63個床位，目前已入住了43人，所剩空缺約20個；沒有住宿舍但參加戒賭課程的有7人。

林萬興指出，他們已可預見在世界杯結束後，將有更多人致電求助或要入住宿舍，參加為其3個月的戒賭課程。

他表示，屆時他們也願意接收額外10%的人，而在上屆世界杯後，只有18個床位的吉隆坡宿舍，最高紀錄是住了24人，睡客廳沙發或睡袋等。

“我們現在面對的問題是人力與資力不足，有時人太多也難以應付，若無法給予真正的幫助，收在多人也沒用。”

入住者多已臨絕路

他說，其實很多時候賭徒或其家人都只是致電詢問，並非人人都可以馬上住進宿舍或參與戒賭課程。

他披露，病態賭徒一般上都有一個想法，只要口袋裡還有錢，都還可以再搏一把，所以住進來或參與課程的人，通常都是已走到絕路。

不再等賭徒上門求助

全國設戒賭事工站

病態賭徒的心態就是未到絕路，不會上門求助或決心戒賭，因此信心戒賭會決定放棄扮演守株待兔的角色，放眼在未來2年，在全國各地開設戒賭事工站。

林萬興指出，他們2003年開設戒賭會至今，發現賭徒若有家人的陪伴及支持，其成功率也比較高。但同時，他們發現家人比賭徒更需要輔導。

他說，賭徒對家人帶來的傷害不可避免，但當家有賭徒時，家人應該做一個界線，在經濟上獨立，把傷害降到最低。

鑑於此，他認為，賭徒的家人更需要輔導，教導他們如何面對賭徒的心態與性格、經濟上如何獨立、受恐嚇時要報警處理等。

他說，在新加坡協助給予輔導時得到此概念，並在短短2個月內協助了7個家庭，目前沙巴、柔佛、檳城及怡保已有單位要成立戒賭事工站。



陷入賭海

一切從“小賭怡情”開始

大賭大風險，小賭小風險，不賭沒風險！

不賭就沒有金錢的損失，就沒有傷害。這是至理名言。

林萬興指出，他說，99%的病態賭徒從小賭怡情開始，然後慢慢地越陷越深，繼而危害整個家庭，所以不賭是最好。

對於政府拒絕發出賭球合法化執照，他贊好不已，因為少了合法管道賭球，無形中賭球的人也相繼減少。

賭博不是文化是壞習慣

他以香港賭球合法化為例，在短短2年內，青少年賭博率多了2倍，這是很讓人遺憾的事情。

林萬興指出，賭博不應該是華人的文化，而是華人的壞習慣。

政府應規定博彩業者

撥款助受害家庭

政府基於經濟效益批准售賣香煙，但在香煙包裝上印著香煙危害健康的字眼與圖片。

同樣的，政府因為經濟效益發出博彩業執照，但卻沒有像香煙般提醒人們賭博的危害。

此外，林萬興說，由於賭博危害許多家庭，政府也應該規定博彩業者，固定撥出一筆款項協助遭受賭博危害的家庭。

辦系列講座

“賭王”鄧天兆現身說法

信心戒賭會接下來將舉辦系列巡迴講座，並邀得已洗心革面的賭王鄧天兆牧師現身說法，以下為日期與地點：

7月8日 亞羅士打

7月9日 雙溪大年

7月10日 大山腳

7月11日 檳城

欲知更多詳情，歡迎致電熱線017-2381900或南馬熱線：016-7112377或新加坡：02-67490400。

賭仔自白

你是賭仔嗎？這次的世界杯，你是否也沉迷賭海？為進一步瞭解賭仔心聲和世杯賭風情況，歡迎賭仔剖白，歡迎電郵至metro@sinchew.com.my，傳真03-79556881或撥打熱線03-79562452

星洲日報／大都會‧2010.07.06

Debt

Mom went back to Genting in the past months. She's staying with me now that she is in debt again. Besides borrowing from her personal Ah Longs, Beng Choo and Kim Tai, she also borrowed from her sister and her good friend Mrs Wong. The bulk of it is from the Ah Longs, RM21k and RM6k respectively. Her sister, my aunt, despite being poor, gave her RM4k. And Mrs Wong, an invalid from stroke, contributed RM1k. That's a whooping 32k.

She is not in Genting now for the time being.

Chinese Has A Gambling Culture

Consider:

• Gambling Origin - Implements associated with the practice of gambling have been found in ancient China sites dating back to about 2300 B.C...Playing cards may have developed in China, since the Chinese developed both paper and money made from paper. In fact, the Chinese are said to have come up with the practice of shuffling paper money about 900 A.D. This may have evolved into the practice of shuffling cards.
• The Hong Kong movie industry produces the most movies with themes revolving around gambling. Here's a partial list.
• Mahjong is the longest-running fad in the Chinese communities. And it will stay as fad forever.
• The most popular greeting during Chinese New Year is Gong Xi Fa Cai, which really is a congratulatory saying for winning in gambling. That's because every Chinese is expected to gamble in the New Year.

I took this picture today, the second day of CNY, the youngest gambler is only five years old.

Fourth Email from Dr Chin

Hi,

It's my pleasure to help in any way I can. And, a very Happy New Year to you and family too! You are a very caring man shown by your unconditional love to your mom. She is a very lucky woman to have a son like you who is also a scholar. Our parents' generation have different values to us especially to those who had the opportunity to be educated in the west. Our perspectives and means may differ but the end is always the same i.e.. caring for one another. Your mom seems to be ridden with so much guilt but accepts little responsibility. You have to point out to her that her sense of guilt is meaningless unless she stops gambling altogether. I believe your mom might have had, in the beginning, some personal problems unbeknown to others and gambling was a way of distraction, preoccupation and 'comfort' to her. But I suspect, it soon became an addiction and consequently her original personal problems and gambling addiction are now rolled into one. Alas, you are all currently trying to pick up the entangled pieces. By paying off her debts, you are merely coping with the consequences of her addiction and not dealing with the problem. It seems your mom's guilt is now secondary to her primary desire and that is, gambling. You really will have 'to be cruel to be kind' as the saying goes and offer your mom some kind of an ultimatum (something that only you and family know to be effective), otherwise, you may not only lose you condo but your mom too. There is only one purpose in life for all addicts (assuming your mom is one) and that is to satisfy their compulsive urge (did you read my previous article on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?). Treatment for your mom should include the family in terms of helping her to wean off her addiction and a 'one to one' therapy in dealing with the underlying problems which led to her addiction in the first place. As you rightly put it, she is in a loop, thus, you need to untangle the loop for her. At present, she cannot see the woods from the trees! I am sorry if I appear to be unkind but I am merely offering you my honest views and it would be wrong of me to say things you want to hear or reassure you that you are doing the right thing when it is not.

Please keep me informed

Kind Regards,

Dr. Chin